Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
