We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
