moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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