i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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