dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
