but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
