And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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