dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
