4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
