I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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