i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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