So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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