Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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