I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
is it fun? or sober?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
