wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.