ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.