my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one