home. puking in laundry basket.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice