Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
