If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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