So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
