She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
