EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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