i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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