is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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