So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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