I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
