Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
