yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
