You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
