Pregnant stripper...not hot.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
