my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
