I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
