I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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