i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
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i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad