He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.