tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name