i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.