true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.