It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober