My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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