Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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