I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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