How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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