do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
