first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
