hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
"it" just moved
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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