hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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