I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
