Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
