so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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