To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
