so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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