I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
