just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
