I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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