thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
