i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
