I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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