Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
