I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't turn off my feet"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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