I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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