don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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