Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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