i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
