Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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