i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
