then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
