Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
