If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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