We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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