Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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