Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
