I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
