I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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